If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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