in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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