so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
