I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize