yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So vagazzling was a success
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
