all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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