Duck Duck Cougar?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
