Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
