Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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