South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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