Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
