I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
