I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
