I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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