Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
