i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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