Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
