On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
