so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
