Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
