I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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