he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
