my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
