Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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