I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.