I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i think my cat just said my name.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?