He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child