At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
thus making me awesome and them whores
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
