just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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