I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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