I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
