Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize