Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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