Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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