So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
