Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
