Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's blow job season.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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