i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The adults are the big ones right?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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