They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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