She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
