All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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