It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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