im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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