I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
