You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
