He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
