FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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