that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
