I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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