Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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