When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
