I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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