so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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