My friends, they love my intelligence
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
