I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
