I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sext me about skeletons
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
