2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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