Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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