is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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