So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
