R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
