btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
