you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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